Dating and Relationship Advice from the Song of Solomon


By Stephen Terry





Here are some pointers from the time of King Solomon for those seeking love today.


1. "If you do not know, most beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds." Song of Songs 1:8, NIV


If you have ever wondered why your friends are in relationships and you are not, this might be the reason. If you want to meet members of the opposite sex, you must go where they are. While it is fun to hang out with your buddies and work on cars, or to hang with your girl friends at the mall, it will not improve the prospects of meeting your future beloved.


This verse also tells us that if you want a faithful spouse who can support you, look among the workers.  Finding such a person at a bar or a wild party might happen, but the odds are against it. Don't confuse superficial fun and true romance. They are not the same.  Instead of searching for a life partner at parties, try volunteering for a worthy cause. You might be surprised at whom you will meet.


2.  "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." Song of Songs 2:7, NIV


Don't force a relationship to happen. Instead, let it happen. If it is meant to be, it will come. While you are forcing a relationship that isn't meant to be, someone who truly loves you may not make themselves known to you because they are assuming you are not interested.  Don't enlist friends to try to make things move along.  If you make things happen that are not meant to happen, both of you may be feeling regret and guilt later.  You may also feel trapped by circumstances into making a commitment that neither of you was really ready to make.


3.  "See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land." Song of Songs 2:11-12, NIV


Take advantage of the seasons. Something about spring turns thoughts to love and romance. As the Rolling Stones recognized in their song "Paint It Black," "I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes..." the opposite sex is more interesting after the short, grey days of winter give way to the longer, more colorful days of spring and summer. This is why parents tell their children about the birds and the bees, when these two creatures return in the spring, love is in the air.  Don't ignore opportunities to discover new relationships.


4.  "Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills." Song of Solomon 2:17, NIV


While great relationships can be discovered during the day while sharing common activities like volunteering for a worthy cause, the real work of romance takes place after the work is done for the day.  Make sure to spend time together when you can devote all of your attention to each other.  The night, when the duties of the day are forgotten, is usually the best time to be close.  Don't fill the time with TV or the internet. They are a poor substitute for intimacy.


5.  "...I held him and would not let him go till I had brought him to my mother’s house, to the room of the one who conceived me." Song of Solomon 3:4, NIV


Recognize that any relationship is not between two people but between two families. Involve the families in the courtship. If the families are not on board at the beginning of the relationship, don't expect things to miraculously change just because YOU love the other person.  If you do not feel the need to listen to your family, remember when things don't work out, lovers will divorce you, families do not.  They will still be your family when everything else falls apart.


6.  "I opened for my beloved, but my beloved had left; he was gone. My heart sank at his departure. I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer." Song of Solomon 5:6, NIV


Don't let love pass you by because you weren't ready for it.  While you don't want to force love, you also don't want to lose it when it comes your way.  This is not talking about a desperate longing for love, but a recognition that it is there and should not be ignored.  Love is a blessing from God, and He does not force his blessings on anyone.  If you are looking for someone to aggressively shower you with affection, this is not God's way. God is love.  Love should run deep and strong like a mighty river that is calm on the surface but has deep currents not readily apparent to the casual observer.


God's will is that each of us experiences the joy and happiness of love.  He did not create us to be alone (see Genesis 2:18), but to find fulfillment and joy in relationship with one another. May this be your experience as well. 



Scripture marked (NIV) taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission. NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION® and NIV® are registered trademarks of Biblica, Inc. Use of either trademark for the offering of goods or services requires the prior written consent of Biblica US, Inc.