Stephen
Terry, Director
Wise
Words for Families
Commentary
for the May 4, 2019 Sabbath School Lesson
“But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15b, NIV
Many years ago, when I first saw Walt Disney’s “Sleeping
Beauty,” I was impressed by many things in that movie: the kindness, compassion
and purity of Sleeping Beauty herself, the loyalty and bravery of Prince
Charming, the industrious teamwork and family atmosphere of the Seven Dwarves,
and the devious craftiness of the evil Queen. After the Queen hid poison in an
apple and offered it to Sleeping Beauty, the poor girl fell into a magical
sleep that could only be ended by a kiss from her true love. I was suspicious
of apples for a long time after that, but since have come to love apples again.
I sometimes wonder if an apple for the vehicle for the poison was chosen because
a common myth is that it was an apple that tempted Eve in the Garden of Eden.
Walt Disney was known to look to the Bible for inspiration for some of his stories.
I remember an episode of Walt Disney where he introduced the film “Darby O’Gill
and the Little People” with a review of Revelation, chapter twelve, and speculated
that Leprechauns may be equated in some way with the fallen angels cast from
heaven. Whether his interpretation was right or wrong, the Bible is certainly a
great resource for understanding good and evil.
One of the most profound lessons from “Sleeping Beauty”
is that poison, in order to be effective, must be hidden. The more desirable
the object that contains it is, the more likely it is to be accepted with devastating
consequences. As it was in that movie, the greatest threat to our personal well-being
and that of our families will come to us as something that we might otherwise
see as desirable and even beneficial. Father, mother, or child, we all have our
desires and free will, therefore we must be constantly wary of those things that
appeal to our senses and desire to have our own way. For the child, it may be
someone outside the family who is offering an experience they would not
normally find at home, including attractive inducements to draw them into the
experience. In a loving home, the child may feel that they can bring such offers
to a parent for counsel. That would be right and may save a lifetime of grief.
Of course the perpetrator of the offer would not want that and would appeal to
the child’s growing sense of independence and flatter their ability to make a
good choice on their own in accepting the offer. While this may sometimes work even
on a child who has a strong family relationship, it is far more likely to
happen when the lines of trust, respect and love in their family have been
bruised or even worse, broken.
These reasons are why it is rarely only the children
that comes under such pressure. The family, centered on God, can be a bastion
of defense for each family member. Evil will still attempt to enter through any
perceived gaps of weakness it can discover. But as long as the family remains
united and open with each other, it is much harder. Families can be a very
loving, nurturing environment for each member, but they are not necessarily
heaven on earth. Disputes will arise. Wills can clash when they go in divergent
directions. But open and honest communication can be powerful, even when that
happens, for building trust, respect and mutual security.
Too many broken people roam the world. That is why it is
an evangelistic field for those who have found the light of faith in God. But
there are dangers in that brokenness even for those who are not broken. Seeing
the happiness in others, some, out of envy would do what they could to destroy that
happiness in order to validate their belief that true happiness does not exist.
Others, looking at their own shortcomings in life and seeing their lifespans
passing behind them and fearful for their security in old age can seek to destroy
the security of a family. They may do their best to draw the marriage apart and
place themselves into that secure position previously occupied by the mother or
father. This is where the poisoned fruit enters the picture. The person will
make every effort to amplify the faults of their rival, often encouraging the
person to engage in faultfinding by providing a listening ear. In addition they
may do all they can to make sure they do not exhibit those same faults in
themselves, even if those faults are present, at least until the hook is set.
Once the straying spouse has come to see the other person as more desirable
than their spouse, the apple has been bitten, and recovery can be very
difficult and trust almost impossible to find again. This becomes even more
galling when the relationship comes to an end, separation and divorce follow,
the family is devastated, and in the wake of the wreckage, the philandering
spouse discovers that the charmed, new “apple of his eye” has similar faults to
his or her old spouse. Unfortunately, this sets them up to repeat the process
over and over again as they continue to look for that perfect Prince or
Princess Charming. This is sometimes why those who fail to understand the true
nature of marriage end up practicing serial polygamy as they go from marriage
to marriage seeking what does not exist. They can even eventually change from
the one biting the poison apple to the one offering it, promising to each new
conquest something that they themselves have never found.
The Book of Proverbs offers much counsel about making
wise choices in life, especially in relationships. The books, “Adventist Home”
and “Messages to Young People” by Ellen White, also offer good counsel that can
be adapted to modern circumstances. But generally families need more than this.
They need a living connection with God that can be a fountain within the family
for well-being. The Bible and these other sources can be valuable road maps to
obtaining that. When we engage in that type of cartography, we will discover by
personal experience how real that relationship can be. Some might be hesitant
demanding proof that such a map can be trusted. But the best way to prove a map
is to follow it. If it is true, it will become apparent over time.
When I served in the military, we sometimes did
orienteering which involved using a compass and a map to travel accurately across
open country. It was a valuable skill that prevented the hapless wanderer from
traveling fruitlessly in circles. Some soldiers were better at orienteering
than others, but the important thing about how we did it was that we worked in
teams. Working in this manner meant that everyone on the team, no matter what
their skill level, improved as a result. This improvement was not only in their
ability to work with a map and compass but also in working with each other
toward a common goal. This is how families can operate as well. As they work
and play together as a team, they all become better at the skills that are
nurtured and at communicating with one another. When the foundation for this is
the Bible and includes Jesus in the family circle, the family’s defenses can be
very strong when faced with pressures from outside.
Sadly, broken families face tremendous challenges when
trying to find secure footing in the chaotic currents of life. Growing up in a
family broken by alcoholism, I know firsthand how difficult this can be.
Fortunately, God takes a special interest in such families and searches them
for willing hearts that are seeking light and hope despite the darkness and
despair surrounding them. We have our free will, and God will honor that even
if we choose to reject him and pursue a self-destructive path in life. But if
we turn ever so slightly toward him, he will marshal all the forces of heaven
on our behalf. We will begin to see glimmers of hope shining through the gloom
of our circumstances, glimmers that will grow stronger over time as doors we
never saw before open and a pathway forward becomes clear. Because of this,
even families that seem broken beyond repair can find healing and become more
than they may have ever thought possible.
Broken families tend to tear one another down because
the pain, like a massive migraine, makes it difficult if not impossible to make
good choices. Since pain is our experience, it becomes the only thing we have
to share. But once God comes into the picture, he begins to heal our broken
hearts. He comes into those hearts as the Holy Spirit and cleans where cleaning
is needed, and heals where healing is needed, eventually presenting us with a
new heart[i] capable of building others
up instead of attacking them and spreading pain. But he doesn’t stop there. God
doesn’t just heal our own hearts. He speaks the possibility of hope and healing
into our families as well, no matter how broken they have become, if they are
willing. Furthermore, he never abandons us as long as we remain turned toward
him. He continues to speak into our hearts and families even though we may have
already come a long way along the path of healing. He will do so as long as we
do not decide we are beyond needing his grace for us, our spouse and our children.
He is faithful like that. You may wish to consider taking up the map he offers
and see for yourself if it is true. It might be the best choice you ever make.
