Stephen
Terry, Director
Finding Rest in Family Ties
Commentary
for the August 7, 2021, Sabbath School Lesson
"Start children off on
the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it."
Proverbs 22:6, NIV
What young parent has
not heard this text shared from the pulpit? Often it is shared beginning in mid-summer
as enrollment time for parochial school gets into full swing. This is troubling
on several levels. It makes use of a sales technique called the "either/or close"
where the customer is offered a choice between the one the salesperson wants
them to make and a very undesirable alternative. While it may be an effective
technique to close many sales and win sales achievement awards, it is based
upon a logical fallacy called the False Dichotomy. But there is an even worse
reason it is troubling. It places the blame for straying children squarely on
the parent.
If the parent does not enroll the child and the child later goes astray, it is
the parent's fault as this use of the verse strongly implies. But what if the
child attends the school and is driven astray by harsh judgmentalism,
hypocrisy, and unfair favoritism? Then it is still the parent's fault because the
school only has the child for a few hours each day. Sadly, despite the best
efforts of some truly wonderful teachers, there are many who trace their
departure from the "straight and narrow" to experiences they had in parochial
school. For a school system that practically guarantees a child will be saved
for all eternity by appealing to this verse in Proverbs, this is disturbing. We
should humbly acknowledge the discrepancy between promise and performance and
acknowledge that just like churches, schools save no one. Only Jesus Christ can
do that.
Our denominational
schools tend to be more about wealth and power than salvation. Those with the
power to do so want the schools run according to their desires and too often
are not willing to entertain what God may want. To insure there will not be any
official challenge to their influence they make sure that the denominational
employees receive hefty discounts to the expensive tuition. While this is not
how the Kingdom of God is constituted, it is denominational politics as usual. Just
as in Jesus' day, religion is a tool of the wealthy and the poor, the disabled,
the common man or woman struggling to get by have little say about what the denomination
says or does. When it comes to the school system, the high tuition keeps most
of the "riff raff" out. The few that may obtain sponsorships are quickly sorted
out by the children of the denominational elite. They either accept their
lesser role or move on to public school.
Some may feel this is
all too harsh. But for those of you who placed your children in the parochial school
system, how did that work out for you? How many of you did not see your child
grow up to a life of faith as promised? Did the schools iron out any of their familial
dysfunctionality? Perhaps an even better question is why I am even bringing all
of this up?
Our lesson this week
focuses on children in dysfunctional households. More particularly, the
examples of Joseph and his brothers is given along with the history of their
family. Like many normal families today, theirs was filled with jealousy and
rivalry. They did some astonishing things in attempts to exercise power over
one another. Whenever they felt threatened, they sought vengeance as Dinah's
brothers did with the men of Shechem. They were not above lying and cheating to
climb to power as Jacob did with his trickery regarding Laban's livestock. One
might point out Laban's cheating about Leah and Rachel. But we must remember
that Laban was an idol worshipper not a follower of the God of Abraham. One
might reasonably expect a higher standard from Jacob. Nonetheless, Jacob
deceived his father. He deceived Laban. He also deceived Esau, both before he
left, and when he returned. However, we are willing to look the other way about
his deception of Esau later because Jacob was now Israel, servant of God. In
any event, this was not a family unaccustomed to deceiving one another. The culmination
of that sad fact was his brothers selling joseph into slavery in Egypt.
Joseph was a very
special case. With him, God did as he loves to do. He reached down into the
chaotic dysfunction around Joseph and found his heart to be open to the Holy
Spirit. However, he had to do with Joseph as he did with Moses. He separated him
from his family so he could grow in his relationship with God unencumbered.
Moses was away for forty years, but the Bible does not tell us how long Joseph
was away before he saw his family again. Moses grew stronger in his faith as a
result, but after he was reunited with his brother and sister, they continued
to struggle as Aaron's golden calf and Miriam's leprosy revealed. Joseph feared
the same might be the case with his brothers, so he tested them and found that
their hearts had softened over the years. But not completely. When their father
died, they feared that Joseph's heart was like theirs and that he would seek
vengeance upon them for selling him into Egypt. But Joseph could see beyond
that and saw God's purpose woven through all that had happened and told them
so. His connection with God was not through his family. It was not through
institutional religion. It was direct. Through personal experience he learned to
patiently trust God to unfold his life as certainly and as gently as a rose
opens its petals. God creates each of us for a purpose. If we let him. He will
reveal that purpose over time. We may think we know what he wants and rush
ahead, believing we are doing God's will. We are like a child hiking with their
parents. The child can see the path their parents are walking, so they run
ahead. However, the parents have been over the path before. The child has not
and does not know what is beyond the next bend in the way. Like that child, we
have a choice when we are called back. We can believe we are doing God's will
and continue to run on ahead, or we can return to him, trusting that he will
lovingly guide us and patiently wait for him to reveal what comes next.
Perhaps you, like me,
have experienced family dysfunction that derailed what you thought was the
direction you should take in life. You may have felt victimized by that
dysfunction. But God is not calling you through your family. He speaks directly
to your heart. If necessary, he will bring you away from all the dysfunction
like he did with Joseph so that his purpose can be written on your life. While most
are focused on building careers and pleasing their superiors to rise to higher
positions, God is not seeking man pleasers. He is seeking God pleasers, those
who will place God's will above that of everyone else. In Noah's day, only
eight people followed God's leading onto the Ark. Thus, it has been ever since.
Most have taken the broad path of education, career, and family, finding in the
end that they are powerless to save us. Even when we give a little time each
week to assuage our troubled hearts by attending church somewhere, the peace of
Christ eludes us.
I have had the privilege
of sharing their final hours with some saints in the church who never were considered
important enough to even hold a church office but died with a peaceful heart.
Their memorials were simple with few attending, but their names were written
large in the Book of Life. I have also seen those who have had positions of
power and influence in the church and were memorialized with many attending.
They were praised for all they had done as though their works could guarantee
them a similar position of power and influence in heaven. All too often, the
works they placed so much faith in were overturned by the next person to step into
the position they so recently vacated.
Despite what we may hear
from the powerful and the wealthy, from pulpits or boardrooms, there is nothing
we can do to please God beyond surrendering our will to him and opening our
hearts that Jesus may enter in, bringing the Holy Spirit, who will gently,
compassionately, and lovingly reveal our purpose and shape our character that
we might fulfill it. This may be the work of a lifetime. But we need not be
anxious about it. God is faithful and will bring us safely home. As so many
through the centuries have discovered, it is faith that saves us, faith in God
to accomplish in us what we were created to be. When he was taken captive to
Egypt and sold into slavery, Joseph may have been tempted to wonder if his life
was a waste, but he discovered that no life lived in God's will is wasted. I
want to live the life God has purposed for me. Wouldn't you like to live out
his purpose for you as well?
Have Thine own way Lord
Have Thine own way
Thou art the potter I
am the clay
Mold me and make me
after Thy will
While I am waiting
yielded and still
Have Thine own way
Lord
Have Thine own way
Search me and try me
Master today
Whiter than snow Lord
wash me just now
As in Thy presence
humbly I bow
Have Thine own way
Lord
Have Thine own way
Hold over my being
absolute sway
Filled with Thy spirit
till all can see
Christ only always
living in me
-Adelaide A. Pollard