Relationships
The Sabbath School Lesson
Commentary for the week of January 15 – 21, 2010
By Stephen Terry
The lesson
quarterly this week identifies relationship issues as the number one cause of
stress in life. Living in a world full of imperfect people (including us,
see Romans 3:23) is certain to bring with it many misunderstandings, hurt
feelings, anxieties and desires to repay those who caused the hurt. We
can get to the point where we are constantly on our guard, looking over our
shoulder for what might be coming next. It is not healthy to live
constantly on the edge like that, unable to relax, to let our guard down.
Even the Bible has many examples of
betrayal and the losses that ensued. King David betrayed and murdered
Uriah the Hittite. (2 Samuel 11) King David, in turn, was betrayed by his
own sons, Absalom and Adonijah. Joab,
the commander of the army, murdered two men King
David had favored and also murdered David's son Absalom. If even the
famous people of the Bible were guilty of such evil deeds, how can we expect to
live at peace today? After all, doesn't the Bible say several times "eye
for eye, tooth for tooth?" (Exodus 21:24, Leviticus 24:20, Deuteronomy
19:21) We see the results of that way of thinking in the
Is it possible to break a cycle like
this? Jesus said it was. I believe He was right. He shared two principles that
would break the cycle. Both of these principles are found in Matthew,
chapter 18. The first is in verse 15, "If your brother or
sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they
listen to you, you have won them over." From personal
experience, I know this can be very hard to do. Our hearts and minds are
filled with thoughts of the betrayal. We are hurting and angry. We
ask ourselves "Why should we be the ones to go to them? They are the ones
who hurt us. They should be the ones to come and apologize."
But in our hearts, we know that unless someone does something to break the
cycle of pain and hurt, we will not feel better about what has happened.
The Bible says that someone should be us.
So we go to that person who has hurt us with our heart in
our hands seeking healing for the relationship. It can make us feel very
vulnerable to approach someone who has already hurt us deeply. Only the
power of a restored relationship to God can enable us to find the strength to
seek to restore our relationships with others. We know how good it feels
to be reconciled to our heavenly Father, and we would like to see that same
feeling come into all of our earthly relationships.
However, while we are in hopes that
coming to the offender will stop the pain, Jesus does not say that it will.
He says that it is possible the person may not desire healing and
restoration no matter how many come to him or her. But we must still make
the effort. If we don't try then even some relationships that might have
been healed will be lost. Sometimes we feel sure in our heart that the other
person cannot change, but God has an answer for that as well. He tells us"With man this is impossible,
but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26 In
Jeremiah 13:23, we read how impossible change can be;"Can
the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? then
may ye also do good, that are accustomed to do evil."
But God assures us of how the
impossible can become the possible. "I will give you a new heart
and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and
give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26 Only God's
power can bring about the change, but our approach to our brother can open the
door for that power to enter in. When that happens we must turn to the
second principle that Jesus shared in Matthew 18. We can read about it in
verses 21 and 22; "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how
many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not
seven times, but seventy-seven times.'" How many times could we
go to a brother or a sister for an offense before we would finally say
"Enough is enough!" and write them off? How often have families
endured festering fissures for generations over as little as a single word said
in a heated moment? It is barely in our nature to forgive even one wrong,
let alone many repeated offenses.
Once again, the same thing applies
with us as with the offender. We need to remember the words of Matthew
19:26 and apply it to our own ability to forgive. What we find impossible
to do, God can enable. We must allow Him to enable us in this, or we
shall experience the same judgment and sentence that we would pass on the other
person. Jesus tells us, “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each
of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” Matthew
18:35
Perhaps some are so hurt that they
feel that this would be an acceptable trade-off if they can somehow get even
with the other person. This is where we can end up if we do not forgive.
This is nothing more than the spiritual equivalent of a "suicide
bomber." This person is willing to hurt anyone, even themselves, if
they can just get that one chance for revenge. This is why Jesus
earnestly desired us to understand these principles to heal our relationships.
He does not want any of us to end up on that dead end road. It may be
hard to go to the person who has hurt us, but in the end, even if they do not
accept reconciliation, instead of being lost with them in a downward spiral of
pain and anger, we will have saved ourselves.
